why alex is confused (and the poll doesn't apply to him)

Alex thats not belly button lint. Your mother was the sweater of a hobo and your father was a 1/5 of whiskey. Back in the mid 80's when everyone was on coke, the government rounded up a group of hobos to perform tests on. At the advent of the 90's the program was losing popularity with the government bureaucrats. A stoned and delirious group of researchers, after having just watched the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles motion picture, decided to throw the rest of the hobos into an enormous vat of toxic waste. Needless to say all the hobos died, and did not become larger, more skilled at combat, and more Japanese in general, as they assumed would happen. What the researches didn't anticipate is the fact that when alcohol, wool, toxic waste, and hobo corpses combine...they form an appalling entity that lives in a constant state of drunken, hairy, obnoxious, pantless confusion. They assumed farm work for such an individual would be appropriate, "He'll fit right in" they said. Bill and Liz agreed to take you as free labor, and provide a roof for you. This is why you've never called them Mom and Dad, they did not want anyone thinking they conceived such a hideous creature. Up until now all was going well and according to plan, but you decided that higher education was better then farm work. The researchers are worried for it was assumed that when you were conceived from that slimy puddle of waste that any education would inevitably lead and advanced case of skullexplosionocity. They are monitoring you very closely, and when your skull inevitably explodes, they will be there to silently pick up the pieces. This Alex, is your true story.